Ghosting: The Dating Spooktacular

Dearest Gentle Reader,

As the season of spookiness is upon us, it’s only fitting that I talk about the perilous aspect of the dating experience that is ghosting.

Unlike the ghouls that we’ve grown up seeing Scooby and the gang deal with, these particular spooks can’t be tackled by a bunch of meddling kids. They’re omnipresent, relentless, and aren’t wearing masks that can be yanked off.

Now before I proceed, I want to admit that when it comes to ghosting, I’ve been on both sides of the equation. I’m definitely not proud of it, but I know there have been situations where I considered it easier to simply remove myself from a situation rather than actually communicate with the other person. And yes, I’m working on it.

For those unfamiliar with these paranormal entities, allow me to elaborate. “Ghosting” is the practice (typically associated with dating) of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. Think no responses to texts and calls, and possibly even unfollowing/blocking on social media. While this happens very often after a first date when one or both parties don’t see any potential, it usually reads higher on the PKE Meter when it happens after multiple dates and one party believing that things are progressing well.

So what causes the emergence of these spooks? Speaking as a recovering ectoplasm myself, I can list a few themes that I’ve found running through. 

Probably the most prevalent cause is plain insecurity or anxiety. For someone who isn’t feeling too confident about the situation or their feelings around it, it can be challenging to put into words why they don’t want to continue engaging with a person. So rather than actually put forth considerate communication and closure, it’s easier to just… disconnect. One could compare it to the popular ostrich analogy, I suppose. Stick your head in the sand, and you don’t have to deal with the discomfort of actually telling the other person that you don’t want to continue seeing or chatting with them.

Another common theme I’ve noticed (and been guilty of) is sheer distraction. We have so much going on all the time, and so many things vying for our attention, it’s easy to relegate a Hinge conversation to far lower on the priority order – and eventually forget about it altogether until it’s way too late to recover the situation.

And then well, there’s plain old rudeness. There are definitely those who don’t consider it worth their time & effort to have an adult conversation (even over text) and just close the loop on a matter. Hell, we’ve encountered these folks even in professional scenarios – the ones we need to send a dozen follow-up emails to, try to call every week, etc only to never hear from them again. Until, that is, they possibly need you somewhere down the line.

But I digress. The long and short of it is that ghosting, while definitely bothersome, is truly not as deep as we often make it out to be in our heads. More often than not, it has little to do with the ghostee, and far more to do with the ghoster.

Have you been involved in a ghosting situation, either as the ghost or the spooked? Tell me your ghost stories 👻